please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
