The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
