no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
