dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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