I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
