You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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