They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
