Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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