If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
