Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
