Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
