I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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