"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
