There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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