omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
