hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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