You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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