I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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