In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
