did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
