it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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