Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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