just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
