Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
