what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
