last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
