We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
