wanna go halves on a baby?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
