It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
