going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
