her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
