I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
