I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
