Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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