I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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