I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
