i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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