I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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