The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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