did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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