don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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