But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
