East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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