Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
