My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
