just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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