she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
