I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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