Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
