There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
