And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
