Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
