this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
